NBA HOLLYWOOD
January 29, 2009 by Andy
Basketball has its hierarchy of players. You’ve got your legends, your superstars, stars, role players and scrubs. It’s like Hollywood, where you’ve got your A-listers, B-listers and barely registers. So if the NBA constellation were moved in line with the Hollywood stars, who would play which role? Here’s a few suggestions for the who’s who row of merged NBA-Hollywood superstars.
Michael Jordan/Al Pacino – Pacino and Jordan in their prime were unbeatable. You’ve got Jordan leading the league in scoring and winning six titles. Pacino, meanwhile, appeared in classics such as the “Godfather” trilogy and “Scarface.” Both, however, have faded over the years, with Jordan’s legacy tarnished by his stint in Washington, and now as general manager of the Charlotte Bobcats. Pacino has dialed in his last few roles and basically shouts through them.
Magic Johnson/Denzel Washington – Both Johnson and Washington share that winning smile. Johnson in his retirement from basketball has prospered as an entrepreneur, NBA analyst and minority owner of the Los Angeles Lakers. Washington, likewise, has only gotten better over the years, with recent performances in “American Gangster” and “The Hurricane” adding to an already distinguished resume of films.
Larry Bird/Clint Eastwood – Larry Legend takes crap from no one. Can you imagine Eastwood doing any less? While Bird has retired as one of the best Celtics ever, he still has a flourishing career as president of basketball operations for the Indiana Pacers. Eastwood, meanwhile, still bangs out a few hits like the recent “Gran Torino.”
Kobe Bryant/George Clooney – At 30, Bryant is a veteran superstar with three rings and is the leader of a powerful Lakers squad. Clooney is a Hollywood powerhouse, leading the “Oceans 11” franchise and starring in solid Oscar-worthy work such as “Michael Clayton.” They are both getting the max salary for their services, and are both oozing with talent.
LeBron James/Will Smith – King James is on top of the world, either the best player or top two along with Bryant. Smith, meanwhile, is the king of Hollywood now with a string of smash hits, including “Hancock” and “I Am Legend.” While King can make any game exciting, Smith can make any movie watchable. Just check out “Seven Pounds.”
Dwayne Wade/Leonardo DiCaprio – Another young hot actor who made it big. DiCaprio had films displaying his talent such as the “Basketball Diaries” and “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?” before striking it big with “Titanic.” His resume drags a bit thereafter, but he’s been big in recent years, including the recent “Revolutionary Road.” Wade had a solid career before winning it all with Shaquille O’Neal a few years back, and has struggled to regain his footing. He’s never been better this season.
Carmelo Anthony/Matt Damon – Damon has tried his hand in a number of films, but he’s best known for action thrillers such his “Bourne” franchise. Likewise, Anthony is a one-dimensional player capable of putting up points and little else.
Paul Pierce/Tom Cruise – Pierce is a likeable player on a juggernaut that is the loaded Boston Celtics team. Cruise, likewise, has been a solid superstar with a string of hits, and who surrounds himself with Hollywood’s elite and knows good talent.
Chris Paul/Kevin Spacey – Paul is one of the most intelligent players in the league. Spacey is one of the talented and cerebral actors on the list. Look at his performance in “Usual Suspect.” You never see the twist, just like opponents never see Paul’s no-look alley-oop dunk passes.
Tim Duncan/Tom Hanks – Duncan and Hanks are both nice, cordial guys, if a little bland. They are both phenomenally successful.
Gilbert Arenas/Robert Downey Jr. – Both have struggled with “health” issues in the past. While Downey Jr. has broken through with key roles in “Iron Man” and “Tropic Thunder,” D.C. is still waiting for Arenas’ comeback. Still, both show a tremendous amount of talent that waiting to be tapped.
Dwight Howard/Christian Bale – Howard is Superman. Bale is the “Dark Knight.” The comic book dynamic duo comparison was too good to pass up. Brandon Routh isn’t man enough to warrant being in the conversation.
Kevin Garnett/Viggo Mortensen – Garnett, while tremendously skilled, dedicated and talented, has only really truly succeeded with an ensemble cast in Boston. Mortensen has had some middling success on his own with solid films such as “Eastern Promises” and “A History of Violence.” But his big hit still remains the “Lord of the Rings” franchise, where he headlined a strong cast.
Yao Ming/Hugh Jackman – Ming towers over his competition. One can easily imagine Jackman overpowering his. Wolverine is unstoppable, pretty much like Yao is in the post.
Allen Iverson/Keanu Reeves – Both are one dimensional. A.I. can score with the best of them, but can he do much else? Likewise, Reeves has got “The Matrix,” and a smattering of action movies, but little else. Neither has the range to expand beyond their core specialty.
Shaquille O’Neal/Jack Nicholson – Both are elder statesmen of the hierarchy. Both are snarky and colorful enough for a sound bite.
Jason Kidd/Christopher Walken – Throughout his career, Kidd has made his teammates and his team better through his complete game. Walken too has a complete game, and has shined brightly in any film no matter its quality. I mean, if you can make “Joe Dirt” and “Balls of Fury” tolerable, you’ve got to be some sort of wizard.
Dirk Nowitzki/Mark Wahlberg – Sorry, the comparison between the real “Dirk Diggler” and the NBA one was too tempting.
Rasheed Wallace/Samuel L. Jackson – The two share no similarities outside of the love of shouting. Really, does Jackson play anything except a loud version of himself in any movie?
Brandon Roy/Robert Pattinson – Roy is a hot player this season, but who knows if his success will last? Likewise, Pattison is the flavor of the month fresh off his stint in “Twilight.” But is it sustainable? Only time will tell.
[...] NBA stars from trying - and failing - to make it big on Hollywood. Late January, Ball or Die wrote about what NBA superstars made up which Hollywood superstars. Now, let’s take a look a look [...]
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